Yup..from the title i'm 7 months pregnant now..you people must wonder how i'm feeling..hehe..the truth is that i'm very scared as i'm coming closer to my labour day..i don't know what to expect and also how to face it when it comes..all i know is that i want my hubby beside me when the day comes..
Me and hubby kind off expecting the baby to come out earlier than the due date that the doctor's given me. It is all because of my huge belly..it's getting bigger by the day and heavier too.. i'm having false contractions(contractions that happen in the third trimester) everyday..it does hurt but then it only last for a minute or two so it's still ok..these false contractions will occur everyday and the gap between the contractions you had before will come closer(i don't know if you understand me..senang kate makin nak labor makin kerap la dapat these contractions)..hehe..
Now that i'm in my third trimester there is a lot of changes that i go through..first is that my skin is softer, secondly, my hair is not as oily as it use to be, thirdly i have these skin allergies..i read at some forums about this and they say it is normal for a pregnant lady to have this rashes on their hands and feet mainly..others start from their stretch marks but i only have it at my hands and feet especially around the fingers and toes ..this rashes will be gone after labour (which is another 2 months..and i'm not allowed to scratch..huhue)..so i dun have to worry about this..but the itchiness is soo unbearable..all i can do is just to put on some cream..that's all..other than that bersabar banyak2..hehe..fourthly, my feet will swell really bad if i walk and stand too much. sometimes at home when i need to cook i will sit on a chair(u know the ones in the office that have rollers) and roll with it from one place to another..hehe..
yeah i know it's been ages since my last entry, this is because i'm too lazy to write and also too busy at times..hehe..most of the time i read up things from forums about pregnancy and also search for baby items online..some things that i've bought online is cloth diapers and a baby carrier..maybe i'll buy the cute baby costume that hubby wants next month..hehe(because it is my first time pregnant me and hubby are all excited about it..normal huh)
Smile Alwayz! =)
Saturday, September 6, 2008
My pregnancy..
As you all know that I’m now 6 months pregnant. Being pregnant is not easy but at the end of the day we all know that we can cope with it and also we will get a reward which is giving birth to another human being. I’m writing today just to share my experience as a first time pregnant woman. How it feels like to be pregnant, the excitement, the pain and all those other things people experience when they are pregnant. Sure different people experience different things but this is my story that I would like to share with all my beloved friends.
First stage, finding out I’m pregnant. This part I was quite surprised when I first found out. Me n my brothers, yes I dragged my brothers along with me to the pharmacy to buy that pregnancy test kit. I felt a little bit embarrassed at that time but I needed to know my state as I was applying for a job. Anyway, skip to the time when I found out about my pregnancy. The first person I told was obviously my husband then I told my family (as I was living with them at that time). The time when I told my husband, he was not at home, he was in UIA but I know the second I told him the news he was really happy and knowing that he would soon be a daddy made him happier because he totally love children (I can see this from the way he treats his nephews).
Early stage of pregnancy is very crucial as the old people would say it. I have to be careful and I can’t carry heavy stuff as the seed planted in me is not yet secure (referring to what the old people use to say again). To me everything done has to be in slow motion, u can’t do this n that.huh.do u know how it feels? Everything u do and say is being controlled. Owh, I’m totally exaggerating. It’s really not that bad. The more you go into this stage of your life the more u learn and understand why people do this and this when they are pregnant.
First three months not much change. My body still looks the same well everything’s just the same really. I only vomited like 3 times during these first three months. Not that bad huh considering many people vomit throughout their pregnancy. Actually, I don’t know how to vomit by my self. I need my husband’s help by messaging my back and my neck area so that it would be easier for me to vomit it all out. Thank God he was always there with me when I needed him. Without his help I can’t do anything, I would just lie down and hope for that feeling to go away. Sometimes I even cry because it hurts soo bad that I can’t do anything about it but just be patient. The first visit to the doctor was the best moment during these first three months. We went to Az-zahrah clinic in Bangi, the doctor scanned my belly and we saw this little cute fetus. I was soo overjoyed and I had tears in my eyes as I never thought that I would be carrying this tiny living thing inside me that soon. I can see my husband’s big smile as he too was really happy.
The fourth month, the bump is a little bit visible but people still wouldn’t know that I’m pregnant if they saw me..as you all know I have a small figure and my weight only went up by one or two kg at that time my weight was 38kg. Still ok huh. Emotionally I would say I’m unstable as I would cry for no reason at all and also I would be so sensitive that anything people say would hurt me..oh my god the crying part was the most horrible experience ever..I just could not stop until I’m tired and I would just go to sleep in tears. During this time I felt sorry for my husband having to face all of this. He is really a great husband I would say as he did a lot of things for me and he had tolerated a lot with me. We also talked to the baby whenever we have the chance to. So that the baby would be familiar with our voices. I love seeing my hubby rubbing my belly while talking to the baby. The feeling I can not describe..a mixture really. I feel happy, ‘terharu’ is what the Malays would say. Because the way he speaks with soo much passion and love, I can feel it everytime.
The fifth month, emotionally I’m better than the month before. I dun cry anymore it’s only my body is starting to feel the pain now. My back aches if I stand or sit for a long time, I can no longer stand for a long time either as my legs will start to feel the pain because of my weight and also at nights before going to sleep I will have that feeling of having difficulties in breathing this makes it more difficult for me to go to bed. Everyday I have to eat something that I don’t like which is kerang, hati ayam, paru and all the other food that is suppose to increase my blood count. Before going to sleep I have to take those supplement pills, you know the ones that pregnant woman take for the baby. I hated taking pills but I have to because you know why, everything I sacrificed now will be for the future baby. At this stage also I can feel my baby kick or move.
Now I’m in the sixth month of pregnancy. I’m still having difficulties in breathing at night that is why now I have to see a physician and I also have to use the inhaler to help me breathe. The physician said the cause of it was that I’m not pumping in a lot of oxygen as I’m suppose to for the growth of the baby, and this part scares me. I don’t want my baby not growing healthily inside me. But now slowly this difficulties in breathing is fading away I don’t feel as bad as the past months. The medication that the doctor gave me really helped. I have to take extra calcium as I always get leg cramps. Every night I would have bad dreams and when the morning comes my body feels really exhausted from not having enough rest and then I have to get ready for work and back at home around 6p.m everyday. It is really tiring but I have to cope with it and be strong that’s what my husband always says.
Owh and if you see me now don’t be surprised to see that huge bump on my belly. It’s getting bigger and heavier. Whatever I wear I tummy will still be visible and also my baby is getting more stronger by the day, he or she likes to move a lot..sometimes it’s non stop..i always wondered what the baby is doing. At times I can feel the baby’s heart beat usually when the baby moves a lot and then the heart wants to pump in more oxygen for the baby..it is because the baby move too much that sometimes I feel tired as if I had done a marathon, my heart also beats faster than normal..
This is my daily routine from Monday until Friday. In the morning I would wake up around 6 o’clock, take a shower and do the usuals that people do while in the toilet, then get dressed after that solat subuh with hubby. After solat I would go down stairs to prepare breakfast. The usual toast bread with butter and jam. Eat breakfast with hubby, mak(mother in law) and biena(our nephew) and around 6.50 am of to work. First my husband will drive to his workplace which is in mont kiara, we usually arrive there at 7.30a.m then from there I drive myself to work at Bandar Tasik Selatan and I usually arrive by 7.50a.m. I usually have to wait in the car for a while as my office hours starts at 8.30a.m but still I have to arrive early because of the parking. If I’m late I will not get the free parking and instead pay RM4 for the parking which is really costly. We can’t afford to waste money like that. My office hour ends at 4.30pm. around that time I’ll be off to Mont Kiara and pick my hubby. But every time I arrive At SC (securities commission – my hubby’s workplace) I will do the asar prayer first then go home because his office hour does not end until 5.15pm. I have to wait for him at times which is tiring, the waiting part is tiring because of my condition but when I see his smiling face coming out from the office my heart melts and I don’t feel that tired anymore.heh..anyway, I would reach home between 6pm and 6.30pm depending on the traffic rest for a while then take a bathe, do the maghrib prayer go downstairs for dinner and watch tv, do isya’ prayer and go to bed at 10.30pm..you see this is my daily routine..evryday it’s the same thing..boring and kinda tiring..plus on Sundays I have to go to work but only half day but still it is soo tiring plus i always have to carry this extra weight and my baby is getting heavier by the day..huu..all in all I’m grateful that my life is blessed with people that care about me and take care of me all the time..if I need anything I just need to ask for it..thanks to my loving, caring and adorable husband.
Everyday I would pray to Allah for my baby’s health and my family. For all my friends out there please pray for me and the baby. My only pray is that there will be no complications during delivery as the past few nights I had nightmares of my delivery..huu..this is normal from one of the books that I read. I guess dats all for now..thank you for reading and remember Smile Alwayz!
First stage, finding out I’m pregnant. This part I was quite surprised when I first found out. Me n my brothers, yes I dragged my brothers along with me to the pharmacy to buy that pregnancy test kit. I felt a little bit embarrassed at that time but I needed to know my state as I was applying for a job. Anyway, skip to the time when I found out about my pregnancy. The first person I told was obviously my husband then I told my family (as I was living with them at that time). The time when I told my husband, he was not at home, he was in UIA but I know the second I told him the news he was really happy and knowing that he would soon be a daddy made him happier because he totally love children (I can see this from the way he treats his nephews).
Early stage of pregnancy is very crucial as the old people would say it. I have to be careful and I can’t carry heavy stuff as the seed planted in me is not yet secure (referring to what the old people use to say again). To me everything done has to be in slow motion, u can’t do this n that.huh.do u know how it feels? Everything u do and say is being controlled. Owh, I’m totally exaggerating. It’s really not that bad. The more you go into this stage of your life the more u learn and understand why people do this and this when they are pregnant.
First three months not much change. My body still looks the same well everything’s just the same really. I only vomited like 3 times during these first three months. Not that bad huh considering many people vomit throughout their pregnancy. Actually, I don’t know how to vomit by my self. I need my husband’s help by messaging my back and my neck area so that it would be easier for me to vomit it all out. Thank God he was always there with me when I needed him. Without his help I can’t do anything, I would just lie down and hope for that feeling to go away. Sometimes I even cry because it hurts soo bad that I can’t do anything about it but just be patient. The first visit to the doctor was the best moment during these first three months. We went to Az-zahrah clinic in Bangi, the doctor scanned my belly and we saw this little cute fetus. I was soo overjoyed and I had tears in my eyes as I never thought that I would be carrying this tiny living thing inside me that soon. I can see my husband’s big smile as he too was really happy.
The fourth month, the bump is a little bit visible but people still wouldn’t know that I’m pregnant if they saw me..as you all know I have a small figure and my weight only went up by one or two kg at that time my weight was 38kg. Still ok huh. Emotionally I would say I’m unstable as I would cry for no reason at all and also I would be so sensitive that anything people say would hurt me..oh my god the crying part was the most horrible experience ever..I just could not stop until I’m tired and I would just go to sleep in tears. During this time I felt sorry for my husband having to face all of this. He is really a great husband I would say as he did a lot of things for me and he had tolerated a lot with me. We also talked to the baby whenever we have the chance to. So that the baby would be familiar with our voices. I love seeing my hubby rubbing my belly while talking to the baby. The feeling I can not describe..a mixture really. I feel happy, ‘terharu’ is what the Malays would say. Because the way he speaks with soo much passion and love, I can feel it everytime.
The fifth month, emotionally I’m better than the month before. I dun cry anymore it’s only my body is starting to feel the pain now. My back aches if I stand or sit for a long time, I can no longer stand for a long time either as my legs will start to feel the pain because of my weight and also at nights before going to sleep I will have that feeling of having difficulties in breathing this makes it more difficult for me to go to bed. Everyday I have to eat something that I don’t like which is kerang, hati ayam, paru and all the other food that is suppose to increase my blood count. Before going to sleep I have to take those supplement pills, you know the ones that pregnant woman take for the baby. I hated taking pills but I have to because you know why, everything I sacrificed now will be for the future baby. At this stage also I can feel my baby kick or move.
Now I’m in the sixth month of pregnancy. I’m still having difficulties in breathing at night that is why now I have to see a physician and I also have to use the inhaler to help me breathe. The physician said the cause of it was that I’m not pumping in a lot of oxygen as I’m suppose to for the growth of the baby, and this part scares me. I don’t want my baby not growing healthily inside me. But now slowly this difficulties in breathing is fading away I don’t feel as bad as the past months. The medication that the doctor gave me really helped. I have to take extra calcium as I always get leg cramps. Every night I would have bad dreams and when the morning comes my body feels really exhausted from not having enough rest and then I have to get ready for work and back at home around 6p.m everyday. It is really tiring but I have to cope with it and be strong that’s what my husband always says.
Owh and if you see me now don’t be surprised to see that huge bump on my belly. It’s getting bigger and heavier. Whatever I wear I tummy will still be visible and also my baby is getting more stronger by the day, he or she likes to move a lot..sometimes it’s non stop..i always wondered what the baby is doing. At times I can feel the baby’s heart beat usually when the baby moves a lot and then the heart wants to pump in more oxygen for the baby..it is because the baby move too much that sometimes I feel tired as if I had done a marathon, my heart also beats faster than normal..
This is my daily routine from Monday until Friday. In the morning I would wake up around 6 o’clock, take a shower and do the usuals that people do while in the toilet, then get dressed after that solat subuh with hubby. After solat I would go down stairs to prepare breakfast. The usual toast bread with butter and jam. Eat breakfast with hubby, mak(mother in law) and biena(our nephew) and around 6.50 am of to work. First my husband will drive to his workplace which is in mont kiara, we usually arrive there at 7.30a.m then from there I drive myself to work at Bandar Tasik Selatan and I usually arrive by 7.50a.m. I usually have to wait in the car for a while as my office hours starts at 8.30a.m but still I have to arrive early because of the parking. If I’m late I will not get the free parking and instead pay RM4 for the parking which is really costly. We can’t afford to waste money like that. My office hour ends at 4.30pm. around that time I’ll be off to Mont Kiara and pick my hubby. But every time I arrive At SC (securities commission – my hubby’s workplace) I will do the asar prayer first then go home because his office hour does not end until 5.15pm. I have to wait for him at times which is tiring, the waiting part is tiring because of my condition but when I see his smiling face coming out from the office my heart melts and I don’t feel that tired anymore.heh..anyway, I would reach home between 6pm and 6.30pm depending on the traffic rest for a while then take a bathe, do the maghrib prayer go downstairs for dinner and watch tv, do isya’ prayer and go to bed at 10.30pm..you see this is my daily routine..evryday it’s the same thing..boring and kinda tiring..plus on Sundays I have to go to work but only half day but still it is soo tiring plus i always have to carry this extra weight and my baby is getting heavier by the day..huu..all in all I’m grateful that my life is blessed with people that care about me and take care of me all the time..if I need anything I just need to ask for it..thanks to my loving, caring and adorable husband.
Everyday I would pray to Allah for my baby’s health and my family. For all my friends out there please pray for me and the baby. My only pray is that there will be no complications during delivery as the past few nights I had nightmares of my delivery..huu..this is normal from one of the books that I read. I guess dats all for now..thank you for reading and remember Smile Alwayz!
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Moving on with the new life
I have got to admit that my life is moving really fast…everything comes and goes without me having time to breath..so ok it started from me graduating from UIA then getting married, finding out that I’m pregnant and now I’m in the working life…pheww..at first it seemed ok and I can accept it (not saying that I can’t accept it now) but then it made me think for a while that life does move fast and I’m having a little trouble trying to cope with all of it..from the beginning of our marriage we lived with my parents and at that time I didn’t feel the way my husband felt..he misses home and a lot of things had to be sacrificed for the marriage and how to deal with our life in the future..i now know how marriage life feels like..you only depend on your husband and your parents is no longer your immediate family coz you now have a new family..and with the baby coming along does not make it easier(not that I’m bragging..just saying and I want this baby as much as anything)..we have to put aside our money for this coming baby too..but all in all I’m still grateful. My husband has a great job and pays ok so I think we’ll be fine after this..just a tough start at the beginning which I think every couple goes through in their early marriage life…
Moving on, now I live with my mother in law in subang..huu..the feeling that my husband once had is catching up on me..at first it’s really difficult as firstly u r away from home and u misses home soo much. Then its in the new environment where you don’t feel as free as you were at home.. you don’t get to do the things you used to..and also I have to wear my head scarf every time I go out of the room because wan have soo many brothers..heh..this part I’m not suppose to complain coz it is my responsibility as a muslim..i’m just saying that’s all..with all of that there is the good part of it which is that these people are really nice too me and they made feel like I’m at home..especially my mother and my sister in law..they treat me really nice up to the extent that some how I feel ‘segan’ with them and ‘xnk ssh kan mereka’ tp I xboleh halang coz that’s the way they are ..this time I have to make the sacrifice that once my husband did..all in all everything is great…and we are happy together(that’s the most important thing In marriage life)…whatever happens now and in the future I know we can get through it together with a breeze as long as we have each other and always believe in Allah and also qada’ and qadar…
I really want to thank first of all to my parents because of their support for me to get married and also supporting us while we lived at their house.. they’re the greatest parents ever and never once regretted. They did a lot..and I am really grateful and never will take them for granted. The sacrifice they’ve made for me it’s impossible to list them down because it’s a lot..I can never repay them but what I can do is make they feel proud of me and give whatever I have to them..I really hope someday I would be that great parent for my future children…secondly, I would like to thank my in laws for letting us stay at their house for a few months until we have the money to move out..thanks also for treating me really nice..i really hate to burden anyone because of me..i too will try and make it up for this in the future..insya’allah..that will be my promise to them that I owe…I really appreciate what they have done for me..thanks to all…love you people too…muaxx!!
SMILE ALWAYZ!!!
Moving on, now I live with my mother in law in subang..huu..the feeling that my husband once had is catching up on me..at first it’s really difficult as firstly u r away from home and u misses home soo much. Then its in the new environment where you don’t feel as free as you were at home.. you don’t get to do the things you used to..and also I have to wear my head scarf every time I go out of the room because wan have soo many brothers..heh..this part I’m not suppose to complain coz it is my responsibility as a muslim..i’m just saying that’s all..with all of that there is the good part of it which is that these people are really nice too me and they made feel like I’m at home..especially my mother and my sister in law..they treat me really nice up to the extent that some how I feel ‘segan’ with them and ‘xnk ssh kan mereka’ tp I xboleh halang coz that’s the way they are ..this time I have to make the sacrifice that once my husband did..all in all everything is great…and we are happy together(that’s the most important thing In marriage life)…whatever happens now and in the future I know we can get through it together with a breeze as long as we have each other and always believe in Allah and also qada’ and qadar…
I really want to thank first of all to my parents because of their support for me to get married and also supporting us while we lived at their house.. they’re the greatest parents ever and never once regretted. They did a lot..and I am really grateful and never will take them for granted. The sacrifice they’ve made for me it’s impossible to list them down because it’s a lot..I can never repay them but what I can do is make they feel proud of me and give whatever I have to them..I really hope someday I would be that great parent for my future children…secondly, I would like to thank my in laws for letting us stay at their house for a few months until we have the money to move out..thanks also for treating me really nice..i really hate to burden anyone because of me..i too will try and make it up for this in the future..insya’allah..that will be my promise to them that I owe…I really appreciate what they have done for me..thanks to all…love you people too…muaxx!!
SMILE ALWAYZ!!!
Monday, January 21, 2008
soo..an update on my life huh..I'm happily married with Mohd.Syazwan Rahimy Bin Mohd.Mokhtar, no children yet but not far off heving one..heh..I love my husband soo much..we got married last month of last year which is in 2007..so through da year i've been through a lot actually..my ups n downs in life, well u could say that..ah well, all's well end's well that's wht my husband always say..not so much of hate in life anymore or sadness..my life is filled with happiness..i'm glad dat I pulled through from da depression of life..I know from now on I nead to appreciate life more n looking forward to a new life with my husband..no matter how hard lufe can be sometimes but I have to be strong n know there is always the better side in life..for the people out there if you feel like u have a difficult life rite now u need to feel grateful as there are many other people around the globe suffers more than u do..ur worst could be da smallest problem to others..just go with the flow and you shall see what beautiful things can life bring to you..you'll end up having a better life ever than u can imagine..pray to God as He always have the answer and will guide you along da way...
Sometimes when we're really down n we feel like there is nothing that can fix it we turn to God, you know why?..because God is always there for u and always know what's better for u..what happens always have it reasons.you might change after it and be a better person..only then you'll see that u can start fresh n be given a second chance..when that second chance comes don't take it for granted..make the fullest out of it..
u see, no life is difficult to live..just follow nature's law and you'll be fine..
Sometimes when we're really down n we feel like there is nothing that can fix it we turn to God, you know why?..because God is always there for u and always know what's better for u..what happens always have it reasons.you might change after it and be a better person..only then you'll see that u can start fresh n be given a second chance..when that second chance comes don't take it for granted..make the fullest out of it..
u see, no life is difficult to live..just follow nature's law and you'll be fine..
Monday, September 3, 2007
Never been happier
hee...its been a while huh...i guess i'm just too busy picking up my life...is dat how u say it?...i dunno...hmm...my story is i've been busy socializing and building up my relationship wit my hubby to be...hehe...guess who?...just so evryone knows dat i'm happy now..thanks for da support...rite now i'm busy planning for the next step of my life...working?...continue studying which is doing my MA?....and marrying the guy in my dreams...jengjengjeng!
pls pray 4 my happiness as i will pray 4 u aswell...
i guess dats it...until next time k...
SMILE ALWAYZ!!!
pls pray 4 my happiness as i will pray 4 u aswell...
i guess dats it...until next time k...
SMILE ALWAYZ!!!
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
confusion....
it has been a while since my last entry...i'm not going to write up much this time...just about what is going on in my life in these past few months...hmm...the actual thing is i'm confused with myself...you how people see you up front you seem soo happy but in actual fact you are really sad deep inside...hmm...that is exactly how i feel now...the things from the past is still haunts me n keep on coming back to hurt me...not that i did it on purpose but it always tend to find it's way in showing itself from time to time...
Sure, now i have new friends...meet new people from different background, some are interesting some are just so and so...but i still can not forget the past...yeah, you might say that i need more time and all but it has been a long time. how many more times is needed...the truth is i'm broken...and to put something back together is merely impossible...like a broken mug, eventhough you manage to glue it all up together but the broken bits are still visible...thats how it really is...
To trust another person to be in my life might take a long time...it will take me a long time to fall in love again...if it were up to me i do not want to get married at all...love is hurtful...huhue...do i believe in love anymore?...i'm sure am confused with myself...right now i think i'm just gonna enjoy life and go with the flow...whatever that is in front of me i will take that root...
So to all my friends, please pray for my happy ending...thanks in advance...hehe...i'll pray for you aswell...
Sure, now i have new friends...meet new people from different background, some are interesting some are just so and so...but i still can not forget the past...yeah, you might say that i need more time and all but it has been a long time. how many more times is needed...the truth is i'm broken...and to put something back together is merely impossible...like a broken mug, eventhough you manage to glue it all up together but the broken bits are still visible...thats how it really is...
To trust another person to be in my life might take a long time...it will take me a long time to fall in love again...if it were up to me i do not want to get married at all...love is hurtful...huhue...do i believe in love anymore?...i'm sure am confused with myself...right now i think i'm just gonna enjoy life and go with the flow...whatever that is in front of me i will take that root...
So to all my friends, please pray for my happy ending...thanks in advance...hehe...i'll pray for you aswell...
Monday, July 16, 2007
huhue...from a friend...read up gals...
Aii..bace la yek..mungkin ia dapat membuka mata ko... Aii..bace la yek..mungkin ia dapat membuka mata ko..=P
A relationship coach lays out his 5 golden rules for evaluating the prospects of long-term success. When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake.
Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr/Ms Right!
If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love." I believe this is the #1 mistake people when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love (alone). Though this may sound not politically correct, there's a profound truth here. Love (alone) is not the basis for getting married.
Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot more.
Here are 5 questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.
QUESTION #1: Do we share a common life purpose?
Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together?
You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow apart. Fifty percent of the people out there are apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life and marry someone who wants the same thing.
QUESTION #2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings.
Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.
QUESTION #3: Is he/she a mensch?
A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions: Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing." So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is haracter refinement.
There are essentially two types of people in the world: People who are dedicated to personal growth and people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.
QUESTION #4: How does he/she treat other people?
The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following:
1) How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as a waiters, bus boy, taxi driver etc?
2) How do they treat parents and siblings?
3)Do they have gratitude and appreciation?
4) Do they show respect? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, you cannot expect that they'll have gratitude for you - who can't do nearly as much for them! Do they gossip and speak badly about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly will eventually treat you poorly as well.
QUESTION #5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage... for the worse!" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them. In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.
A relationship coach lays out his 5 golden rules for evaluating the prospects of long-term success. When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake.
Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr/Ms Right!
If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love." I believe this is the #1 mistake people when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love (alone). Though this may sound not politically correct, there's a profound truth here. Love (alone) is not the basis for getting married.
Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot more.
Here are 5 questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.
QUESTION #1: Do we share a common life purpose?
Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together?
You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow apart. Fifty percent of the people out there are apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life and marry someone who wants the same thing.
QUESTION #2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings.
Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.
QUESTION #3: Is he/she a mensch?
A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions: Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing." So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is haracter refinement.
There are essentially two types of people in the world: People who are dedicated to personal growth and people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.
QUESTION #4: How does he/she treat other people?
The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following:
1) How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as a waiters, bus boy, taxi driver etc?
2) How do they treat parents and siblings?
3)Do they have gratitude and appreciation?
4) Do they show respect? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, you cannot expect that they'll have gratitude for you - who can't do nearly as much for them! Do they gossip and speak badly about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly will eventually treat you poorly as well.
QUESTION #5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage... for the worse!" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them. In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.
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