Some say that the extraordinary things can happen in the most ordinary days...Do you think you believe in it?...yeah maybe it could happen but to wait for it to happen is not something you want to do, then it becomes the expected....when you expect something, it happens then it becomes something just ordinary, so better not wait for it...hee...am I confusing you?...well i'm confused myself too...
This is the story of my life, not that I like bragging but sometimes I just have to let it out. to tell my friends is merely impossible coz they are all so happy with their lives and to burden them with my problems it is just not right. so,the only simple way to let it out is through my blog. Anyways now that I am really confused with my life...I just do not understand with some people.some of them are so sensitive at times. ok2...I have this friend, it a he ofcourse...the thing is can a guy be so sensitive about things and its like you can not even breath around him because every little thing that you just somehow seems wrong...I do not understand, everytime I want to send him text messages I have to think real hard to use the right words so I do not hurt him. but it seems to me no matter how I put it, it always seems wrong to him...he says its offensive...huh...the thing is I lived before knowing him even and met many guys the way I say things is the way I am...I do not like to cover and be someone else...whatever it is I survived before this but why this kind of problem arise now...pheww...I'm just tired...
Have you felt that when you are in a relationship your partner will somehow change the way you are...you are changing...not blaming on the other half maybe you blame yourself for changing...the thing is sometimes when you are with someone you are expected to change for them...to suit their needs and to please them...owh ok when you are in Love you do not seem to notice and when you are out of love you start to think back, how stupid were you then...you did all of those stupid things because of him and you yourself eventually becomes someone you do not like and you become a stranger to your ownself...and now he does not like me the way i am now..but I changed in the first place because of him...what an irony...
People around me whether they are my friends or not, they have a choice if the want to still be my friend or become my friend. There is no force at all. now, choices is what we make everyday in our lives. sometimes we made the most stupidest choices and sometimes its one of the greatest choice we have made...no matter how bad or good our choices that we choose in the past it is actually what we have become today. It is how we ended up here now/today.
Sometimes I feel lonely eventhough I am surrounded by family and friends...why is that? am I just not grateful or its just a feeling which I should ignore. I tried so hard sometimes to let it go and have fun but then thats only the outside...in the inside I feel terrible...sometimes when I can escape what I feeling I feel so relieved and 'bersyukur' (thanks to God)...but when the feelings comes I just hate it and everything that is associated with it...I then became a horrible person...
How can you be your ownself when you are haunted with what people say about you in the past that really hurts deep inside. its like you can never be yourself anymore. When you see the person that hurts you, you just do not know how to react infront of them anymore...I have that...it's like you are afraid to make the wrong move and feel so insecure...
Have you got a friend that you feel it is impossible to be friends with them because it is impossible just to yourself without them critisizing you back...it is ok to do it sometimes but to do it all the time is totally absurd....'rimas' it what Malaysians say...and you tend to wonder should you still be friends with them or just let it pass by because you might not see them ever again after a certain time...hmmm...just makes me wonder...
Anyway, I'm writing this blog just to let everything out because I rarely tell anyone about my problems...by writing I feel relieved...so if anyone feel offended with what I wrote I really am sorry...I did not want to hurt your feelings by purpose...just know that I LOVE all my friends, sure there will be hate or unsatisfied with the situation sometimes but it does not stay that way for long because after all you are my friends, always my friends that will stand by me whenever I need them...thanks a lot...hee...
Be happy k.....
"Big Girls Don't Cry" by Fergie
Da Da Da Da
The smell of your skin lingers on me now
You're probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter of my own protection baby
To be with myself and center, clarity,
I hope you know,
I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
The path that I'm walking
I must go alone
I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay
Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and uno cards
I'll be your best friend and you'll be my Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to'Cause I want to hold yours too
We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But it's time for me to go home
It's getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself and center, clarity
La Da Da Da Da Da