~Thursday, 30th October 2008~
Me and hubby went to work like any other day. We did not expect anything special to happen on this day. So every thing we did that morning was just normal. We woke up, get ready to work, had breakfast and drove off to work. First stop was to send hubby to Mont Kiara then I drove off to Bandar Tasik Selatan.
As I did my work that day(not that much really) my back pains a little then it gradually becomes stronger. At first I tried to bear the pain as I thought it was something normal and everybody goes through it during pregnancy. The weird thing is that I did not feel the back ache for the last 4 months and suddenly it hit me the day before actually but not as strong as I felt that day. So anyway, after feeling soo much pain I told hubby that I wanted to go to the clinic and get an MC for the day and also for Friday. Hubby said if I were to go to the clinic I should pick him up first then go, so that's what I did.
Before leaving my work place I did think for a second that it was nothing and I should stay until office hours ended but hubby urged me to go to the clinic to make sure everything was ok .So I went to see the HR personnel for my maternity leave and also to tell her that I will take an MC for the rest of the day. As my due date was coming closer hubby feels more nervous and worries about my health.
Driving to hubby's work place was not that easy. I drove slow but at the same time I wanted to reach Mont Kiara as soon as possible as my back ache worsen. Thank God, as I reached hubby's work place hubby was already waiting for me and I do not need to wait for him like before.
Then it's hubby's turn behind the wheel, we chatted like we always do and from time to time hubby will ask about my condition. It was a 45 minutes drive to Bangi. I was not soo much in pain as hubby comforted me. When we reached Az-Zahra Bangi we went straight to the first floor and said that I want to check my stomach (saya nak check perut) and the nurse said, "Owh CTG, naik tingkat tiga" so we went up. I did not know at that time why I mentioned my stomach instead of my back ache. Up stairs we can see a glass walled room with babies inside. When I saw them I had a thought, "bile la baby aku nak kuar ni, berat dah ni". Because I had a back ache I went and sat down at the bench whilst waiting for the nurse prepare the equipment. Hubby at that time still watched the babies behind the glass wall because he really liked babies and could not get his eyes off them. I guess at that time he was imagining his own baby to be there as well.
When everything was ready, we went in the room and the nurse attached me with the machine. We were told to stay there for ten minutes. At that moment I could not even wait for one minute lying flat on my back as I felt like my breathing were cut off. I had trouble breathing. I felt like I was going to faint until the nurse gave me an extra pillow, only then I can breath a little but still I had to lay side ways. Before we know it, we had been in the room for half an hour and the nurse still did not attended us yet. Hubby did not know what to do. When he went out the room the place was bare. He did not know who to call so we just waited.
The nurse finally came, I was relieved. The machine had spitted out a long piece of paper with details of my contraction and also the baby's heartbeat. The nurse did not know how to read the paper so we were asked to go downstairs to consult the doctor. When we reached the first floor we had to wait and the nurse said the doctor had gone home. So, the nurse panicked and she called another nurse. When the other nurse came in, this is what she said "Eh, kenape suruh patient turun jumpe doctor, doctor dah balik la. Pergi cari bidan untuk bace kalau takde pape suruh jer diorg ni balik je"(ekspresi muke memang macam siot jer..haha) when I overheard this conversation hati tu terase jugak la, ingat kite ni main-main ke sakit tapi at the same time relieved kalau suruh balik ok lagi la kan, tunggu Isnin baru bersalin.
Then suddenly the doctor came in. She was from upstairs from one of the wards and has not gone home yet. She took a look at the chart then said "come-come doctor nak check, kerap sangat dah contraction ni" so I followed her into the room. In my head I thought "huh? contraction?bile pulak?sakit belakang ade la". She asked me to lay on the table so she could check how much I've dilated. When she put her hands in me I felt like I wanted to pee. It did not hurt that much. Then she said "masya'Allah, dah bukak 4cm pon. Nurse, siapkan ward untuk dia dan juga labour room". When she said this I can see hubby's face somewhat shocked and at the same time happy because in a few hours we'll have a new member of the family. Because I hadn't had my lunch yet and was soo hungry at that time, hubby asked the doctor whether we can go out to eat, and she said yes. It will take time until it gets to 10cm.
Before going out to lunch hubby went to settle things at the ward. in other words check me in a room. As I waited for him I sat down next to this women holding a one month baby boy. She was rather friendly. She Asked me when I was due and I said that very same day. She then described her experience delivering her baby. The way she described it was very scary and very-very hurtful. It did gave me chills a little bit but then I know hubby will be there with me in the room and I have faith that everything will not be as scary as it may seem.
When hubby finally settled everything at the ward we headed straight at a shop nearby. I ordered laksa(big mistake). As we were waiting for the order hubby contemplated whether he should go home or not to get some stuff. In the end he decided to go. So I ate lunch alone. I did not finish the laksa as I could not bare the pain plus knowing that I was 4cm dilated scared me a little and so I went straight to the ward. Owh whilst I ate alone the women I met earlier some came in the shop to grab a bite and when she saw me she still talked about the pains of delivery. Dalam hati benkek jer. Dah pikir macam-macam. Orang ni betul ke tidak ni. Nak menakutkan orang je keje. Pelik-pelik betul manusia kat dunia ni.
Everything happened so quickly and I had no time to reply hubby's message. Hubby constantly asked for my update so he would not miss a thing. I told hubby to drive safe and not to rush but knowing his wife is in labour he had to drive fast(read up wunslife if you want to know about this part).
When I reached the ward I headed straight to the toilet as I felt something funny coming out from down there. What I discovered was blood. I panicked a little bit but then I am at the hospital so why should I panic. I also had a stomach ache probably because of the laksa(an advice to those whom is about to deliver please do not eat laksa before hand..hehe). It was too spicy. After everything settled in the toilet I came out and a nurse came into the room. She gave those hospital gown for me to wear and she said she will come in again to take me to the labour room. Then another nurse came in. She gave me some medication to clear out anything I have in me. In otherwords to make me poop so that I would not poop whilst pushing the baby out. As the time got closer I felt scared as hubby was not there yet I kept on looking at the door, fear for the nurse to take me away without hubby beside me(a little bit dramatic but that's how i really felt that time). I kept on praying that hubby would reach the hospital in time(during this time i kept on looking out the window for hubby). I do not want him to miss anything and want him to be with me in the labour room.
Because hubby was not there yet. I told the nurse that I wanted to do my Asar prayer first. Hubby texted me 'doa panjang2 tau' just to delay things. He wanted to go in the labour room with me. I told him to relax and if I were to go in the labour room before he reached there I don't think I will be giving birth yet. Many people stayed in labour room up to 22 hours and yet they still have not given birth yet. When I prayed, I took my time and doa a lot. who knows what might happen while I give birth. I got really scared at this point. I kept on thinking about the videos that me and hubby had seen, the images was in my head. I could not picture myself like that and so the way out is to always be reminded of Allah. Selawat byk2 and also baca sifat2 Allah(that Raihan song).
Then hubby reached the hospital, we delayed going to the labour room again as I waited hubby to perform his prayer. I know he prayed for me as well. Both me and hubby were scared and excited at this point. We both do not know what to expect.
In the labour room, first with hubby then my mother came in. Bersalaman dengan ibu untuk mintak maaf sebelum bersalin agar permudahkan lagi perjalanan. Then my mother in law came to see me. I did the same, ask for forgiveness. I was then given some medication so that my contraction pain will be more in order. That's what the nurse said. It was maghrib at that time and so I prayed on the bed as I could not move and also I was attached to a machine. Again at this point I prayed a long time. The back pain no longer there but was replaced by the contraction pain slowly hitting me.
When the contraction got stronger and constant all i did was selawat banyak-banyak. Hubby beside me read out the doa bersalin(It was pasted on the wall in the labour room) and I repeated after him. I tried to take my mind off the pain and think about something else but I just could not. Owh, and the medication that the nurse gave me earlier made me a little bit drowsy. Because of this it did take my mind of the pain from time to time as I felt like it was a dream and also a little bit mamai at the time.
Just after I performed my maghrib prayer. The doctor came in. She broke my water bed using this long stick. I did not feel that much pain. I felt like I just peed when the water came rushing out of me. The doctor was kind of shocked. I think because there were too much water in me. hubby just watched silently(I think he was too in shock).
The nurse said if at anytime I feel like I wanted to poop just tell her because that will be the sign for me to give birth. When the time did come I told her and she called in the doctor.By this time I have dilated about 9cm. That was quick, I thought. Then the doctor asked whether I wanted to pee and I said yes so she inserted a long tube attached to a bag. the liquid just came out without any effort from me.
I know it was time to push out the baby as the first strongest contraction occur I did make an indication or rather a sound like it was very painful and the doctor said everytime I feel the pain I have to push as hard as I can. the first few pushes were not good enough as I was getting the hang of it. plus for the baby to come out I had to push more harder and at the same time with the longest breath ever. Since I can not take long breaths this becomes a difficult task for me. As I pushed hubby beside me non stop giving me kata-kata semangat and also comforted me so that I would not give up. I did have a thought to give up at one point but I still tried on pushing. I was at that time in the state of sleepy and also exhausted at the same time. I think I was hungry too. The doctor and even the nurses bagi kata2 semangat at the time. There were many voices but I did not know how many people were actually watching me pushing. At the time I pushed, I can't remember how many times as the first few I did not do it correctly and the baby's head kept coming in and out of me because I did not have enough breaths or rather I only had short breaths to push. Kesian juga kat die. It got to the point where the doctor said if I weren't able to push anymore she would use the vacuum to suck the baby out. I did not want that to happen so I gave it a one last big push and the baby did come out. In between the pushes I did hear that the doctor was having trouble with the baby - it's not turning. The head came out first and when the body's turn to come out the doctor said something like "die tak nak pusing la" I did not know what she meant but I panicked a little bit, nothing I can do. Suara orang disekeliling pon mula tenggelam timbul. Khayal sungguh.
It was one final push after that the whole baby came out and the doctor put the baby on my chest. because I was too drowsy and sleepy I just hold the baby(hubby said I had a blurr face on at this moment), I could not remember much in detail what happened. I did not even get the chance to look at the baby's face. All I could remember was I saw the doctor cut the umbilical cord and then the baby was transferred to another place for them to clean her up. The baby cried on top of her lungs. I thought it was normal but the doctor seemed worried. She said something like "baby ni ade masalah bernafas ni. Dia tak sepatutnye menangis macam ni". I worried soo much, one after another. ade jer masalahnya. Tapi disebabkan terlalu mengantuk dan penat semuanya bagaikan mimpi pada masa itu. Saya pon redha je la.
The pushing part was over. pheww. Then came the second hardest part which is stitching me up. I tell you it hurts like crazy. They had to put me on bius so I dun feel that much. The doctor took quite sometime. When she was done for the first time, yeah, I repeat the first time she found out that something was wrong and she did it all over. At that time tuhan saja la tau bertapa tabahnye insan yang kat labour room ni.huhue. Sakit sungguh.
After the stitching part done and I'm still covered with blood down there. My bleeding did not stop. They just tied those maternity pads on me and that's it. I was transferred to the ward using another bed. The feeling as I lay on the bed was indescribable as I was still drowsy, I felt like macam orang sakit betul la. Badan sangat-sangat lemah dan sengal-sengal. Rase macam nak tdo jer terus tapi ramai pulak orang disekeliling and I tried my best to stay awake. After the hardwork I felt hungry as well, so to stayed awake I ate a little. My mother suapkan bubur ayam mcd.hehe. Kuar2 dari labour room jer makan mcd. Lemah longlai betul badan time tu. Alhamdulillah semuanya selamat dan sudah berlalu.
I can not recall when a nurse came asking me whether I wanted to breastfeed my child or they would give her formula milk instead. I chose to breastfeed her. The nurse asked"ada susu ke tak ni?" I answered "ade". Tiba-tiba sahaja I showed her the milk and she said "owh, banyak". Deep inside I was happy and also grateful(Alhamdulillah). I want the very best for my newborn. The basic thing she needs now is her mother's milk.
Eventhough I was dead tired that night I still could not sleep well. I guess I got used to waking up in the middle of the night whilst I was pregnant. Everytime I woke up, which is like every hour, I would look at hubby and the baby. Both were tired aswell. Hubby also did not sleep well that night. From time to time the nurse would come in and check up on me and the baby.
Well this is all that I can share. There maybe a lot of missing parts that I can not recall maybe because I was too drowsy at the time and also it took me two weeks just to complete this entry. I have been busy lately with the newborn. To other women out there, It might seem scary when you listen to other peoples story about giving birth. Don't be scared as no one will have the same experience as the other. Like me, this whole experience was a bliss. I would love to go through it anytime over and over.
To my daughter, sofeah: Semoga menjadi anak yang solehah. Aammmiiiinn~
Smile Alwayz =)