hee...its been a while huh...i guess i'm just too busy picking up my life...is dat how u say it?...i dunno...hmm...my story is i've been busy socializing and building up my relationship wit my hubby to be...hehe...guess who?...just so evryone knows dat i'm happy now..thanks for da support...rite now i'm busy planning for the next step of my life...working?...continue studying which is doing my MA?....and marrying the guy in my dreams...jengjengjeng!
pls pray 4 my happiness as i will pray 4 u aswell...
i guess dats it...until next time k...
SMILE ALWAYZ!!!
Monday, September 3, 2007
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
confusion....
it has been a while since my last entry...i'm not going to write up much this time...just about what is going on in my life in these past few months...hmm...the actual thing is i'm confused with myself...you how people see you up front you seem soo happy but in actual fact you are really sad deep inside...hmm...that is exactly how i feel now...the things from the past is still haunts me n keep on coming back to hurt me...not that i did it on purpose but it always tend to find it's way in showing itself from time to time...
Sure, now i have new friends...meet new people from different background, some are interesting some are just so and so...but i still can not forget the past...yeah, you might say that i need more time and all but it has been a long time. how many more times is needed...the truth is i'm broken...and to put something back together is merely impossible...like a broken mug, eventhough you manage to glue it all up together but the broken bits are still visible...thats how it really is...
To trust another person to be in my life might take a long time...it will take me a long time to fall in love again...if it were up to me i do not want to get married at all...love is hurtful...huhue...do i believe in love anymore?...i'm sure am confused with myself...right now i think i'm just gonna enjoy life and go with the flow...whatever that is in front of me i will take that root...
So to all my friends, please pray for my happy ending...thanks in advance...hehe...i'll pray for you aswell...
Sure, now i have new friends...meet new people from different background, some are interesting some are just so and so...but i still can not forget the past...yeah, you might say that i need more time and all but it has been a long time. how many more times is needed...the truth is i'm broken...and to put something back together is merely impossible...like a broken mug, eventhough you manage to glue it all up together but the broken bits are still visible...thats how it really is...
To trust another person to be in my life might take a long time...it will take me a long time to fall in love again...if it were up to me i do not want to get married at all...love is hurtful...huhue...do i believe in love anymore?...i'm sure am confused with myself...right now i think i'm just gonna enjoy life and go with the flow...whatever that is in front of me i will take that root...
So to all my friends, please pray for my happy ending...thanks in advance...hehe...i'll pray for you aswell...
Monday, July 16, 2007
huhue...from a friend...read up gals...
Aii..bace la yek..mungkin ia dapat membuka mata ko... Aii..bace la yek..mungkin ia dapat membuka mata ko..=P
A relationship coach lays out his 5 golden rules for evaluating the prospects of long-term success. When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake.
Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr/Ms Right!
If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love." I believe this is the #1 mistake people when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love (alone). Though this may sound not politically correct, there's a profound truth here. Love (alone) is not the basis for getting married.
Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot more.
Here are 5 questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.
QUESTION #1: Do we share a common life purpose?
Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together?
You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow apart. Fifty percent of the people out there are apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life and marry someone who wants the same thing.
QUESTION #2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings.
Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.
QUESTION #3: Is he/she a mensch?
A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions: Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing." So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is haracter refinement.
There are essentially two types of people in the world: People who are dedicated to personal growth and people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.
QUESTION #4: How does he/she treat other people?
The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following:
1) How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as a waiters, bus boy, taxi driver etc?
2) How do they treat parents and siblings?
3)Do they have gratitude and appreciation?
4) Do they show respect? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, you cannot expect that they'll have gratitude for you - who can't do nearly as much for them! Do they gossip and speak badly about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly will eventually treat you poorly as well.
QUESTION #5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage... for the worse!" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them. In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.
A relationship coach lays out his 5 golden rules for evaluating the prospects of long-term success. When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake.
Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr/Ms Right!
If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love." I believe this is the #1 mistake people when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love (alone). Though this may sound not politically correct, there's a profound truth here. Love (alone) is not the basis for getting married.
Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot more.
Here are 5 questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.
QUESTION #1: Do we share a common life purpose?
Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together?
You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow apart. Fifty percent of the people out there are apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life and marry someone who wants the same thing.
QUESTION #2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings.
Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.
QUESTION #3: Is he/she a mensch?
A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions: Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing." So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is haracter refinement.
There are essentially two types of people in the world: People who are dedicated to personal growth and people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.
QUESTION #4: How does he/she treat other people?
The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following:
1) How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as a waiters, bus boy, taxi driver etc?
2) How do they treat parents and siblings?
3)Do they have gratitude and appreciation?
4) Do they show respect? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, you cannot expect that they'll have gratitude for you - who can't do nearly as much for them! Do they gossip and speak badly about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly will eventually treat you poorly as well.
QUESTION #5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage... for the worse!" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them. In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.
Friday, June 29, 2007
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Kem BTN dan induction...
heh...hallo...baru je blk dari kem BTN di pontian, menarik gak la perisiaannye...meningkatkan lagi semangat patriotik...hee...sbb tue saya menulis dalam bahasa malaysia...saje je...bersemangatn x?...
pi kem kat Pontian Johor...best jugak la...jumpe kawan baru sume...3 hari kem BTN dan 2 hari induction for taaruf.xda byk benda pon nk ckp sebenarnye...saje je rase nak update kan blog ni...lame pulak rase xmenulis...ni lepak kat umah utk 2 hari je...hari isnin dah kene balik UIA ade preparation dan taaruf...tujuan join sebab nk lupakan benda xpatut, xnk fikir benda yg bukan2 dan most of all to have fun...
sepanjang tiga hari dekat kem tu fon kene rampas la kan...xleh gune...memule marah jugak tapi bile dah lame rase cam best plak xde fon...mcm kat skolah dulu bole je kan hidup tanpa telefon bimbit...bese la kat kem BTN akan ade latihan dalam kumpulan dan PDK...pastu ade kawat lagi...mmg seronok la...
xda ape sangat nk tulis...heh...owh on da day nk blik UIA tue ade satu bus yg aircond rosak so kene la pi naik bus lain...panas giler la...heh...so end up kene reshuffle...aku dan 2 org lagi kwn tepakse la naik bus penuh lelaki...pening gler...diorg bese la suke wat bising...tapi aku ttp bersyukur sbb xpyh dok dlm panas...seronok gak...
heh... ade plak terselit B.I...dah la..heh...nanti ade ape2 yg menarik berlaku...aku kan report balik k...hee...
Learn from the past, NO REGRETS....
SMILE ALWAYZZZ.....=)
BE HAPPY!!!
pi kem kat Pontian Johor...best jugak la...jumpe kawan baru sume...3 hari kem BTN dan 2 hari induction for taaruf.xda byk benda pon nk ckp sebenarnye...saje je rase nak update kan blog ni...lame pulak rase xmenulis...ni lepak kat umah utk 2 hari je...hari isnin dah kene balik UIA ade preparation dan taaruf...tujuan join sebab nk lupakan benda xpatut, xnk fikir benda yg bukan2 dan most of all to have fun...
sepanjang tiga hari dekat kem tu fon kene rampas la kan...xleh gune...memule marah jugak tapi bile dah lame rase cam best plak xde fon...mcm kat skolah dulu bole je kan hidup tanpa telefon bimbit...bese la kat kem BTN akan ade latihan dalam kumpulan dan PDK...pastu ade kawat lagi...mmg seronok la...
xda ape sangat nk tulis...heh...owh on da day nk blik UIA tue ade satu bus yg aircond rosak so kene la pi naik bus lain...panas giler la...heh...so end up kene reshuffle...aku dan 2 org lagi kwn tepakse la naik bus penuh lelaki...pening gler...diorg bese la suke wat bising...tapi aku ttp bersyukur sbb xpyh dok dlm panas...seronok gak...
heh... ade plak terselit B.I...dah la..heh...nanti ade ape2 yg menarik berlaku...aku kan report balik k...hee...
Learn from the past, NO REGRETS....
SMILE ALWAYZZZ.....=)
BE HAPPY!!!
Monday, June 11, 2007
Friday, June 8, 2007
The EXtRaOrDiNaRy...
Some say that the extraordinary things can happen in the most ordinary days...Do you think you believe in it?...yeah maybe it could happen but to wait for it to happen is not something you want to do, then it becomes the expected....when you expect something, it happens then it becomes something just ordinary, so better not wait for it...hee...am I confusing you?...well i'm confused myself too...
This is the story of my life, not that I like bragging but sometimes I just have to let it out. to tell my friends is merely impossible coz they are all so happy with their lives and to burden them with my problems it is just not right. so,the only simple way to let it out is through my blog. Anyways now that I am really confused with my life...I just do not understand with some people.some of them are so sensitive at times. ok2...I have this friend, it a he ofcourse...the thing is can a guy be so sensitive about things and its like you can not even breath around him because every little thing that you just somehow seems wrong...I do not understand, everytime I want to send him text messages I have to think real hard to use the right words so I do not hurt him. but it seems to me no matter how I put it, it always seems wrong to him...he says its offensive...huh...the thing is I lived before knowing him even and met many guys the way I say things is the way I am...I do not like to cover and be someone else...whatever it is I survived before this but why this kind of problem arise now...pheww...I'm just tired...
Have you felt that when you are in a relationship your partner will somehow change the way you are...you are changing...not blaming on the other half maybe you blame yourself for changing...the thing is sometimes when you are with someone you are expected to change for them...to suit their needs and to please them...owh ok when you are in Love you do not seem to notice and when you are out of love you start to think back, how stupid were you then...you did all of those stupid things because of him and you yourself eventually becomes someone you do not like and you become a stranger to your ownself...and now he does not like me the way i am now..but I changed in the first place because of him...what an irony...
People around me whether they are my friends or not, they have a choice if the want to still be my friend or become my friend. There is no force at all. now, choices is what we make everyday in our lives. sometimes we made the most stupidest choices and sometimes its one of the greatest choice we have made...no matter how bad or good our choices that we choose in the past it is actually what we have become today. It is how we ended up here now/today.
Sometimes I feel lonely eventhough I am surrounded by family and friends...why is that? am I just not grateful or its just a feeling which I should ignore. I tried so hard sometimes to let it go and have fun but then thats only the outside...in the inside I feel terrible...sometimes when I can escape what I feeling I feel so relieved and 'bersyukur' (thanks to God)...but when the feelings comes I just hate it and everything that is associated with it...I then became a horrible person...
How can you be your ownself when you are haunted with what people say about you in the past that really hurts deep inside. its like you can never be yourself anymore. When you see the person that hurts you, you just do not know how to react infront of them anymore...I have that...it's like you are afraid to make the wrong move and feel so insecure...
Have you got a friend that you feel it is impossible to be friends with them because it is impossible just to yourself without them critisizing you back...it is ok to do it sometimes but to do it all the time is totally absurd....'rimas' it what Malaysians say...and you tend to wonder should you still be friends with them or just let it pass by because you might not see them ever again after a certain time...hmmm...just makes me wonder...
Anyway, I'm writing this blog just to let everything out because I rarely tell anyone about my problems...by writing I feel relieved...so if anyone feel offended with what I wrote I really am sorry...I did not want to hurt your feelings by purpose...just know that I LOVE all my friends, sure there will be hate or unsatisfied with the situation sometimes but it does not stay that way for long because after all you are my friends, always my friends that will stand by me whenever I need them...thanks a lot...hee...
Smile Always....
Be happy k.....
"Big Girls Don't Cry" by Fergie
Da Da Da Da
The smell of your skin lingers on me now
You're probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter of my own protection baby
To be with myself and center, clarity,
Peace, Serenity
[CHORUS:]
I hope you know,
I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
The path that I'm walking
I must go alone
I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay
[CHORUS]
Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and uno cards
I'll be your best friend and you'll be my Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to'Cause I want to hold yours too
We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But it's time for me to go home
It's getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity
[CHORUS]
La Da Da Da Da Da
This is the story of my life, not that I like bragging but sometimes I just have to let it out. to tell my friends is merely impossible coz they are all so happy with their lives and to burden them with my problems it is just not right. so,the only simple way to let it out is through my blog. Anyways now that I am really confused with my life...I just do not understand with some people.some of them are so sensitive at times. ok2...I have this friend, it a he ofcourse...the thing is can a guy be so sensitive about things and its like you can not even breath around him because every little thing that you just somehow seems wrong...I do not understand, everytime I want to send him text messages I have to think real hard to use the right words so I do not hurt him. but it seems to me no matter how I put it, it always seems wrong to him...he says its offensive...huh...the thing is I lived before knowing him even and met many guys the way I say things is the way I am...I do not like to cover and be someone else...whatever it is I survived before this but why this kind of problem arise now...pheww...I'm just tired...
Have you felt that when you are in a relationship your partner will somehow change the way you are...you are changing...not blaming on the other half maybe you blame yourself for changing...the thing is sometimes when you are with someone you are expected to change for them...to suit their needs and to please them...owh ok when you are in Love you do not seem to notice and when you are out of love you start to think back, how stupid were you then...you did all of those stupid things because of him and you yourself eventually becomes someone you do not like and you become a stranger to your ownself...and now he does not like me the way i am now..but I changed in the first place because of him...what an irony...
People around me whether they are my friends or not, they have a choice if the want to still be my friend or become my friend. There is no force at all. now, choices is what we make everyday in our lives. sometimes we made the most stupidest choices and sometimes its one of the greatest choice we have made...no matter how bad or good our choices that we choose in the past it is actually what we have become today. It is how we ended up here now/today.
Sometimes I feel lonely eventhough I am surrounded by family and friends...why is that? am I just not grateful or its just a feeling which I should ignore. I tried so hard sometimes to let it go and have fun but then thats only the outside...in the inside I feel terrible...sometimes when I can escape what I feeling I feel so relieved and 'bersyukur' (thanks to God)...but when the feelings comes I just hate it and everything that is associated with it...I then became a horrible person...
How can you be your ownself when you are haunted with what people say about you in the past that really hurts deep inside. its like you can never be yourself anymore. When you see the person that hurts you, you just do not know how to react infront of them anymore...I have that...it's like you are afraid to make the wrong move and feel so insecure...
Have you got a friend that you feel it is impossible to be friends with them because it is impossible just to yourself without them critisizing you back...it is ok to do it sometimes but to do it all the time is totally absurd....'rimas' it what Malaysians say...and you tend to wonder should you still be friends with them or just let it pass by because you might not see them ever again after a certain time...hmmm...just makes me wonder...
Anyway, I'm writing this blog just to let everything out because I rarely tell anyone about my problems...by writing I feel relieved...so if anyone feel offended with what I wrote I really am sorry...I did not want to hurt your feelings by purpose...just know that I LOVE all my friends, sure there will be hate or unsatisfied with the situation sometimes but it does not stay that way for long because after all you are my friends, always my friends that will stand by me whenever I need them...thanks a lot...hee...
Smile Always....
Be happy k.....
"Big Girls Don't Cry" by Fergie
Da Da Da Da
The smell of your skin lingers on me now
You're probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter of my own protection baby
To be with myself and center, clarity,
Peace, Serenity
[CHORUS:]
I hope you know,
I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
The path that I'm walking
I must go alone
I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay
[CHORUS]
Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and uno cards
I'll be your best friend and you'll be my Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to'Cause I want to hold yours too
We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But it's time for me to go home
It's getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity
[CHORUS]
La Da Da Da Da Da
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Confused
Owh ok...it's been a while since my entry...i use this blog as self motivation...sometimes when i think i'm loosing it i will write so that i can feel better and rationalise things that goes in my head. So when i'm not bragging in my blog i would jot down my feelings in my diary....so let me give you on the updates or the things that i've wrote before...
We can not really say how our life is going to turn out because there are too many suprises and expectations. the unexpected always comes uninvited that what scares me sometimes. The thing is that sometimes when the unexpected comes it is far more better than the expected. you tend to appreciate it more. Atleast thats what i think and believe.
YOu know how sometimes a person points out your faults and you get very confused with whether to believe what they say is true and you want to change it or you know better and do not feel the need to change whatever you've become...so i have a choice...
ok...i have to stop now...there is something going on in this house right now, with the shouting I really can not focus...so what do you do when your parents gets into an arguement or a really big fight...you are stuck in the middle..you do not know what to do...i really hope this family would pull it back together...coz this falling out thing if it gets worse it might end up in...hmm...dun what to think about it...
till next time...
Smile Alwayz...
There is always the brighter side of life....
We can not really say how our life is going to turn out because there are too many suprises and expectations. the unexpected always comes uninvited that what scares me sometimes. The thing is that sometimes when the unexpected comes it is far more better than the expected. you tend to appreciate it more. Atleast thats what i think and believe.
YOu know how sometimes a person points out your faults and you get very confused with whether to believe what they say is true and you want to change it or you know better and do not feel the need to change whatever you've become...so i have a choice...
ok...i have to stop now...there is something going on in this house right now, with the shouting I really can not focus...so what do you do when your parents gets into an arguement or a really big fight...you are stuck in the middle..you do not know what to do...i really hope this family would pull it back together...coz this falling out thing if it gets worse it might end up in...hmm...dun what to think about it...
till next time...
Smile Alwayz...
There is always the brighter side of life....
Friday, May 11, 2007
Songs that I listen tonight...hmm
These are the songs that i just stumbled across in my sisters playlist...something for me 2 ponder about...hmm
Artist: nidji
song title: Hapus Aku
Kutuliskan kesedihan
Semua tak bisa kau ungkapkan
Dan kita kan bicara dengan hatiku
Buang semua puisi
Antara kita berdua
Kau bunuh dia sesuatu
Yang ku sebut itu cinta
Chorus:Yakinkan aku Tuhan
Dia bukan milikku
Biarkan waktu waktu
Hapus aku…
Sadarkan aku Tuhan
Dia bukan milikku
Biarkan waktu waktu
Hapus aku…
Artist : UNIC
Song title: Demi Cinta Suci
Dengan hatiku luka pedih
kerana dicalari
cinta penuh duri
lemas aku dalam dilema
pada janji manis
sungguh tak bermakna
mencarimu kasih
bagai mencari mutiara putih
walau didasar lautan sanggup ku selami
namun tak percaya apa yang telah aku terjumpa
.....masih tak berharga
demi cinta yang suci ku relakan kepentingan ini
demi sinar bahagia ku hambakan diri pada Yang Esa
chorus: baru kini ku rasa, nikmatnya cinta yang suci
ia tiada bandingan dengan cinta yang kau beri
ranjau yang berduri akan aku tabah menempuhnya
penyubur iman di dalam jiwa
k dats all from me for tonight...I need to go to sleep now...tomorrow a new day for me...I have classes to attend to...yea!!!
haha...nite2!
Artist: nidji
song title: Hapus Aku
Kutuliskan kesedihan
Semua tak bisa kau ungkapkan
Dan kita kan bicara dengan hatiku
Buang semua puisi
Antara kita berdua
Kau bunuh dia sesuatu
Yang ku sebut itu cinta
Chorus:Yakinkan aku Tuhan
Dia bukan milikku
Biarkan waktu waktu
Hapus aku…
Sadarkan aku Tuhan
Dia bukan milikku
Biarkan waktu waktu
Hapus aku…
Artist : UNIC
Song title: Demi Cinta Suci
Dengan hatiku luka pedih
kerana dicalari
cinta penuh duri
lemas aku dalam dilema
pada janji manis
sungguh tak bermakna
mencarimu kasih
bagai mencari mutiara putih
walau didasar lautan sanggup ku selami
namun tak percaya apa yang telah aku terjumpa
.....masih tak berharga
demi cinta yang suci ku relakan kepentingan ini
demi sinar bahagia ku hambakan diri pada Yang Esa
chorus: baru kini ku rasa, nikmatnya cinta yang suci
ia tiada bandingan dengan cinta yang kau beri
ranjau yang berduri akan aku tabah menempuhnya
penyubur iman di dalam jiwa
k dats all from me for tonight...I need to go to sleep now...tomorrow a new day for me...I have classes to attend to...yea!!!
haha...nite2!
Thursday, May 10, 2007
A funny world we live in..
Ok...fine i'm a freak...this is what I do evrytime I drive back to UIA or back home...heh..I like to look at or remember or stare at other peoples plate numbers...I really dun know why...I guess it's my habit, or my interest...kind of weird isn't it...soo anyway this is what i look at in the plate numbers...whether it is WLP, WLS or BCQ...and the numbers 4241, 7702, 3571...haha...i remember peoples plate numbers...that someone that i'm close to once a upon a time a go...heh...so i counted the numbers which ones occurs the most and smile at myself sometimes for the satisfaction just by observing these numbers...some of them are really close...the numbers that keeps on occuring is 77...i wonder why...hmm...owh sometimes 553 also comes up a lot...heh...I'm quite good at remembering other peoples plate numbers...(most of the cars in UIA)...creepy huh...
Ever wonder how sometimes we stumble across smthing by coincidence but to you it seems like fate...but the truth is it is just by a mere accidental situation, i think thats what you call it...haha...I always wanted answers for everything that happened to me. I always want a quick fix when something bad happens to me...why is that? and when i try to fix it, it seems to get worse than before...the real world honestly does not work the way you want it...you do not have total control of what lays ahead in the future...there is always the unexpected will come up...
Why is it that when you are in love, you dun see that other persons bad side and when you are apart you see it and you tend to say it out to them...hurting them purposely...hmm...sorry for that...that other person does the same thing back to you...you are hurt back...it suppose to bring satisfaction but instead both of us gets deeper scars than we were before...what do you say when a person says your relationship just does not make sense anymore...hmm...am I suppose to feel bad about myself?...
So what do you say when someone says that you have no interest, suddenly you are boring, suddenly you are just the bad person, your that bad past of theirs...what do you say?...I really do not know...is it the best way to move on by remembering and reminding yourselves of the bad things people say to you...to move on, on the basis of what they say...some of the things people say are true about me...hmm...am I not loveable...I think so...Honestly, I am just afraid of being lonely...
Is it time to change...change to what?...to be a better person?...am I not a better person right now?...who am I...I have not find myself... maybe this is the time...I have to prove to a friend that I can live whitout a guy...I guess it's been some time that I'm all alone...I need to be independant from now on...
Why do people that don't want you anymore says that they still wants to care for you...they shouldn't....it makes it harder to move on...it is like their giving hope but actually they are not...just saying that so that you feel better..really...hate this feeling that I have...why do I have it...why am I still hoping when I know there is no hope anymore...
- SMILE ALWAYZ =) -
Ever wonder how sometimes we stumble across smthing by coincidence but to you it seems like fate...but the truth is it is just by a mere accidental situation, i think thats what you call it...haha...I always wanted answers for everything that happened to me. I always want a quick fix when something bad happens to me...why is that? and when i try to fix it, it seems to get worse than before...the real world honestly does not work the way you want it...you do not have total control of what lays ahead in the future...there is always the unexpected will come up...
Why is it that when you are in love, you dun see that other persons bad side and when you are apart you see it and you tend to say it out to them...hurting them purposely...hmm...sorry for that...that other person does the same thing back to you...you are hurt back...it suppose to bring satisfaction but instead both of us gets deeper scars than we were before...what do you say when a person says your relationship just does not make sense anymore...hmm...am I suppose to feel bad about myself?...
So what do you say when someone says that you have no interest, suddenly you are boring, suddenly you are just the bad person, your that bad past of theirs...what do you say?...I really do not know...is it the best way to move on by remembering and reminding yourselves of the bad things people say to you...to move on, on the basis of what they say...some of the things people say are true about me...hmm...am I not loveable...I think so...Honestly, I am just afraid of being lonely...
Is it time to change...change to what?...to be a better person?...am I not a better person right now?...who am I...I have not find myself... maybe this is the time...I have to prove to a friend that I can live whitout a guy...I guess it's been some time that I'm all alone...I need to be independant from now on...
Why do people that don't want you anymore says that they still wants to care for you...they shouldn't....it makes it harder to move on...it is like their giving hope but actually they are not...just saying that so that you feel better..really...hate this feeling that I have...why do I have it...why am I still hoping when I know there is no hope anymore...
- SMILE ALWAYZ =) -
Still hanging in there...
Nope...still not moving, plus i'm beyond help now...some people say that leave the person in their sadness for a while because then they will learn on their own how to move on...i think that's what i need to do until one day i feel how stupid to feed this sadness and finaly move on forever without turning back...things in the past happened for a reason...we just need to learn from them and not to repeat the same mistakes..huhue...it's been hard for me, and for my friends i guess...because i've been this happy go lucky kind of person and suddenly i'm changing to being someone dark and twisty inside...i guess you can't always feel happy all the time can you?...so it's ok to feel sad sometimes...isn't it?...time will tell thats what a friend once told me...
Short semester has just started and i'm moving back and forth from UIA and home...I can't stay in UIA for a long time neither can I go out of my house...i guess for the mean time it is safer for me to stay in my comfort zone...until someone or something will come and get me...everyone needs help from time to time, someone to look out for them, to make sure that they are OK, make sure that they are ready...well I haven't got that yet...waiting, I guess for that time to come.
I hope I will get better soon...I want to feel better...I don't want to feel stuck and not moving, couped up in the past...it is soo sad and soo hard to deal with...to all my friends out there, to the people that cared for me soo much thank you for ur support, just pray that i will get better soon...thanks again...I think I will be fine...I guess i just need time to HEAL and to MOVE ON...
PATHETIC is the word I use to describe myself rite know...huhue..
I guess this is the song that describes me now...
Atrist: the veronicas
song: when it falls apart
i'm having the day from hell,
it was all going so well (before you came)and you told me you needed space,
with a kiss on the side my face (not again)
and not to mention (the tears, ashame)
but i should have kicked your (ass instead)
i need intervention attention
to stop temptation to scream
cause baby
everything is fed up straight from the heart
tell me what do you do,
when it all falls apart
gotta pick myself up
where do i start
cuz i can't turn to you
when it all falls apart
no
don't know where i parked my car
don't know who my real friends are (anymore)
i put my faith in you
what a stupid thing to do (when it rains it pours)
and not to mention (i drank too much)
i'm feeling hung over (and out of touch)
i need intervention
attention to stop temptation to scream
cause babyeverything is fed up straight from the heart
tell me what do you do,
when it all falls apart
gotta pick myself up
where do i start
cuz i can't turn to you
when it all falls apart
no
can it be easier?
can i just change my life?
cause it just seems to go bad everytime
will i be mending?
another one ending once again
everything is fed up straight from the heart
tell me what do you do,
when it all falls apart
gotta pick myself up (out)
where do i startcuz i can't turn to you
when it all falls apart
no (x2)
falls apart
gotta pick myself out cause things are mended
- SMILE ALWAYZ =) -
Short semester has just started and i'm moving back and forth from UIA and home...I can't stay in UIA for a long time neither can I go out of my house...i guess for the mean time it is safer for me to stay in my comfort zone...until someone or something will come and get me...everyone needs help from time to time, someone to look out for them, to make sure that they are OK, make sure that they are ready...well I haven't got that yet...waiting, I guess for that time to come.
I hope I will get better soon...I want to feel better...I don't want to feel stuck and not moving, couped up in the past...it is soo sad and soo hard to deal with...to all my friends out there, to the people that cared for me soo much thank you for ur support, just pray that i will get better soon...thanks again...I think I will be fine...I guess i just need time to HEAL and to MOVE ON...
PATHETIC is the word I use to describe myself rite know...huhue..
I guess this is the song that describes me now...
Atrist: the veronicas
song: when it falls apart
i'm having the day from hell,
it was all going so well (before you came)and you told me you needed space,
with a kiss on the side my face (not again)
and not to mention (the tears, ashame)
but i should have kicked your (ass instead)
i need intervention attention
to stop temptation to scream
cause baby
everything is fed up straight from the heart
tell me what do you do,
when it all falls apart
gotta pick myself up
where do i start
cuz i can't turn to you
when it all falls apart
no
don't know where i parked my car
don't know who my real friends are (anymore)
i put my faith in you
what a stupid thing to do (when it rains it pours)
and not to mention (i drank too much)
i'm feeling hung over (and out of touch)
i need intervention
attention to stop temptation to scream
cause babyeverything is fed up straight from the heart
tell me what do you do,
when it all falls apart
gotta pick myself up
where do i start
cuz i can't turn to you
when it all falls apart
no
can it be easier?
can i just change my life?
cause it just seems to go bad everytime
will i be mending?
another one ending once again
everything is fed up straight from the heart
tell me what do you do,
when it all falls apart
gotta pick myself up (out)
where do i startcuz i can't turn to you
when it all falls apart
no (x2)
falls apart
gotta pick myself out cause things are mended
- SMILE ALWAYZ =) -
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Am i moving on or not!!
Owh ok...who am I kidding right...I'm lying to myself, I'm lying to my family and friends make them believe that I'am ok.but the fact is I'm still not...it's been a month but I still stuck. You may say that owh it's still new...but then I'm thinking I want to move on so badly that it hurts even more than it started...really I just do not know who to turn to, to talk about my problems...Yes, we all need a little help or a push. evryone needs help sometimes. You can't deny that.
So what i'm doing right now is to try really hard to forget the past and move on. why is it so hard. I'm getting tired and exhausted by the second. I NEED TO LIVE!!!...I want a happy life...why is it so hard. All anyone can do is try their best for the things they want.
My friends are all starting to worry about me, how I'm doing and all...it feels like I'm ill, like i'm this hopeless, helpless and lifeless soul...I feel like I'm on a hospital bed where evryone, evryday people ask me how I'm doing, and obviously I would lie. I would say "I'm fine " but the truth is I'm just NOT fine...well not yet I guess..
I'm now waiting for the day I can smile and laugh again without me having to fake it...owh if I ever smile or laugh at my state now, honestly people can see that I'm just doing it for the sake of it. Someboby once told me I'm a lame actress. true I can't act. I can't even lie. eventhough I'm smiling my face always gives it away.
Someone also told me that you can't be like this because life just does not evolve around you, there is more that the things around you. People die everyday, people struggling with their cancer trying to fight for their life...and I just want to give up life...that is just WRONG!.. having the feeling of giving up in the first place is just wrong.
OK, maybe I said somethings I regretted in life or sometimes I just do the wrong things. Sometimes by doing the wrong things and to make mistakes. Yes by making mistakes is painful. You tend to regret a lot of things. But then they are the only way to find out who you really are. Right know I'm still clueless about who I really am. yeah pathetic I know. but thats reality of it.
Again, by doing mistakes having regrets teaches us to grow up and see the other side of life...who knows after this you will appreciate life more and you are for once happier than before...that is what I am waiting for now, better still I should not wait for it let it come and find me....
The tests that we face in our lives today will not always be there, my ustazah always says that GOD test you because He loves you, and you are not always tested only at times when needed, when there is the need to show the real value of life...
so to depression, LEAVE ME ALONE!, to happiness, YOU ARE WELCOME ANYTIME!
BERUSAHA!
- SMILE ALWAYZ =) -
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Trying to find yourself?...
There is always someone out there trying to find their way, trying to find their place, trying to be themselves. Sometimes it is better to feel like you are the only one in the world struggeling, frustrated, unsatisfied, being left behind. That feeling is a lie and if you just hold on, find the courage to face it all for another day someone or something will find you and make it all look OK because we all need a little help sometimes. Someone to help us to hear the music in the world, to be reminded that it won't always be that way. That someone is out there and that someone will find you!...
This is exacly how i feel. I feel lost trying to find something or rather someone to hold on to, I'm loosing my grip, trying really hard to move on, and everytime it seems like i'm moving but actually I'm not. I'm stuck!.I actually miss myself, I miss smiling and being happy without all the worries in the world. The fact is I really want my old self back, the happy me. I can't tell others about my problems because truly they do not understand, I can't tell the whole truth in fact. The best thing is just to keep it to myself. owh ok, as we grow up we have more and more problems, we just have to learn and cope with it. If I could I would turn back time and have fun and smile all I want, I want to be like children running around without any problems in mind.
There are moments in our lives that we feel like we live on crossroads, the choices we make in those moment can define the rest of our days ofcourse when we face the unknown makes we want to turn and go back.
There are moments in our lives where we find ourselves on crossroads, afraid, confused without a roadmap or guide. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days, ofcourse when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back, but once in a while people push on to something better, something found just beyond the pain, going it alone and just beyond the courage and the bravery to take someone in or to give someone a second chance.
Something beyonD the quiet persistence of a dream because it is only when you are tested that you truly discover who you are and it is only when you are tested you discover who you can be. the person who you want to be does exist, somewhere on the otherside of hardwork and faith and belief and heartache and fear of what lies ahead.
The reality is that pain is there to tell you something. It has reasons for it's existance. You just have to find it or maybe it will come to you without you noticing it.
Whatever it is, just have faith and believe in GOD, be patient, your life might just change in a split second. People are being tested because only then they really know what they are worth. Be strong.
I just hope that I can smile and laugh again as I used to without lying to myself or to anyone else. We were taught from we were kids that honesty is the best policy. But then the fact is lying is a necessity. We lie to ourselves because the truth hurts. No matter how hard we try to ignore it eventually our lives will fall away whether we like it or not. But here's the truth about the truth, it hurts so we lie. We have to give up the things we want the most because it is the right thing to do.
This time my entry is quite confusing. The contents is all mixed up and sometimes I contradict myself. Nevertheless, this is how I feel, confused, do not know which direction I should be heading, or which is the right path.Guess I can only turn to GOD and pray for answers.
Thank You for reading, Smile Always k!...hold your chin up high..You can do this...
BERUSAHA!!!
This is exacly how i feel. I feel lost trying to find something or rather someone to hold on to, I'm loosing my grip, trying really hard to move on, and everytime it seems like i'm moving but actually I'm not. I'm stuck!.I actually miss myself, I miss smiling and being happy without all the worries in the world. The fact is I really want my old self back, the happy me. I can't tell others about my problems because truly they do not understand, I can't tell the whole truth in fact. The best thing is just to keep it to myself. owh ok, as we grow up we have more and more problems, we just have to learn and cope with it. If I could I would turn back time and have fun and smile all I want, I want to be like children running around without any problems in mind.
There are moments in our lives that we feel like we live on crossroads, the choices we make in those moment can define the rest of our days ofcourse when we face the unknown makes we want to turn and go back.
There are moments in our lives where we find ourselves on crossroads, afraid, confused without a roadmap or guide. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days, ofcourse when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back, but once in a while people push on to something better, something found just beyond the pain, going it alone and just beyond the courage and the bravery to take someone in or to give someone a second chance.
Something beyonD the quiet persistence of a dream because it is only when you are tested that you truly discover who you are and it is only when you are tested you discover who you can be. the person who you want to be does exist, somewhere on the otherside of hardwork and faith and belief and heartache and fear of what lies ahead.
The reality is that pain is there to tell you something. It has reasons for it's existance. You just have to find it or maybe it will come to you without you noticing it.
Whatever it is, just have faith and believe in GOD, be patient, your life might just change in a split second. People are being tested because only then they really know what they are worth. Be strong.
I just hope that I can smile and laugh again as I used to without lying to myself or to anyone else. We were taught from we were kids that honesty is the best policy. But then the fact is lying is a necessity. We lie to ourselves because the truth hurts. No matter how hard we try to ignore it eventually our lives will fall away whether we like it or not. But here's the truth about the truth, it hurts so we lie. We have to give up the things we want the most because it is the right thing to do.
This time my entry is quite confusing. The contents is all mixed up and sometimes I contradict myself. Nevertheless, this is how I feel, confused, do not know which direction I should be heading, or which is the right path.Guess I can only turn to GOD and pray for answers.
Thank You for reading, Smile Always k!...hold your chin up high..You can do this...
BERUSAHA!!!
Children or grown ups?
After careful consideration and many sleepless nights, there is no such things as grown ups. we move on, we move out, we move away from our families and form our own, but the basic insecurities, the basic fears then all those hold wounds just grew up with us, and just when we think that life ends, circumstance have forced us to truly once and for all becoming an adult.
We get bigger, we get taller, we get older but for the most part we are still a bunch of kids running around the playground trying to fit in.
People say that it is impossible to grow up, without parents to defy, we brake the rules we make for ourselves. we throw tantrums when things do not go our way. we whisper secrets to our bestfriend in the dark. we look for comfort where we can find it and against all logic, against all experience, like children we never give up hope.
We get bigger, we get taller, we get older but for the most part we are still a bunch of kids running around the playground trying to fit in.
People say that it is impossible to grow up, without parents to defy, we brake the rules we make for ourselves. we throw tantrums when things do not go our way. we whisper secrets to our bestfriend in the dark. we look for comfort where we can find it and against all logic, against all experience, like children we never give up hope.
There is a brighter side of life...
Actually i dunno how to begin writing this entry...there is so much going on in my life up to the extent that i don't know how to express it anymore...
So to all members of my family & friends that have been so supportive through out n patiently listening to me bragging about mylife i just want to say how I am greatful to have all of u...can't say thank u enough...love u all...
Let what happened to me be a lesson to myself and not to repeat it in the future, atleast i have gained the experience and actually trying to pull through really hard...i know i can make it...just need time...=)
To forget everything that i had in the past is virtually impossible...i can not just rub it out...so i'm really trying hard, evethough it hurts but i have to move on...can't forget the past in a short time because u know why?...if something were to spark a little part of that memory i might breakdown again...so i have to really slow down...maybe it's hard but it is not impossible...
Sometimes people say strive for what you want...i did strive and i did not achieve my goal...but it does not mean that i have to give up...nope, i just have to find other ways to solve the problems and achieve what i want in life...
It is true when people say dat i am still young, i have more time to improve myself and achieve what i want...i have got a long way to go...so to the future,...watch out!...i'm coming...haha...
Guess that is it from me...till next time...which i don't know when...hope it comes soon...hee....
To All the people out there who feels depress all the time, please, please do not feel that way...it is just wasting your time...do other things, find a new hobby, just do something that makes you happy and proud with yourselves...moping around just makes things worse, believe me when i say dat it does not give much benefit...it is ok to cry sometimes but u have to limit yourselves....chill, you still have a great family & friends...
JUst remember, ur family & friends will always be there for you no matter what...and also be thankful with what u have. Last advice from me 'stop complaining, live life to the fullest and go wit da flow'
So to all members of my family & friends that have been so supportive through out n patiently listening to me bragging about mylife i just want to say how I am greatful to have all of u...can't say thank u enough...love u all...
Let what happened to me be a lesson to myself and not to repeat it in the future, atleast i have gained the experience and actually trying to pull through really hard...i know i can make it...just need time...=)
To forget everything that i had in the past is virtually impossible...i can not just rub it out...so i'm really trying hard, evethough it hurts but i have to move on...can't forget the past in a short time because u know why?...if something were to spark a little part of that memory i might breakdown again...so i have to really slow down...maybe it's hard but it is not impossible...
Sometimes people say strive for what you want...i did strive and i did not achieve my goal...but it does not mean that i have to give up...nope, i just have to find other ways to solve the problems and achieve what i want in life...
It is true when people say dat i am still young, i have more time to improve myself and achieve what i want...i have got a long way to go...so to the future,...watch out!...i'm coming...haha...
Guess that is it from me...till next time...which i don't know when...hope it comes soon...hee....
To All the people out there who feels depress all the time, please, please do not feel that way...it is just wasting your time...do other things, find a new hobby, just do something that makes you happy and proud with yourselves...moping around just makes things worse, believe me when i say dat it does not give much benefit...it is ok to cry sometimes but u have to limit yourselves....chill, you still have a great family & friends...
JUst remember, ur family & friends will always be there for you no matter what...and also be thankful with what u have. Last advice from me 'stop complaining, live life to the fullest and go wit da flow'
TIME...
Time takes pleasure in kicking our asses, for even the strongest of us, it seems to play tricks, slowing down, hovering until it freezes leaving us stuck in a moment unable to move in one direction or the other.
Time flies,time waits for no man, time heals all wounds, all anyone of us wants is more time, time to stand up, time to grow up, time to let go. TIME...
Time flies,time waits for no man, time heals all wounds, all anyone of us wants is more time, time to stand up, time to grow up, time to let go. TIME...
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